viernes, 23 de julio de 2010

Zombie behavior.

I was beginning with a zombie behavior. I was so lost on my daydreams that I lost all track of the seconds racing by. Maybe it has been one week or two, maybe more… but I was still so lost on my thoughts.

For the other people’s eyes I was just a ghost, an empty space, it seemed like I wasn’t there. I stopped talking to everyone, I stopped looking around, and I just looked inside. I was a prisoner of my own body. I preferred it like that, anyway I’m sure no one would´ve understand me, anyone would even care.

My eyes were lost on a past time, nostalgic. I wanted to wake up, to get out of that lonely episode but I just haven’t had the enough strength to do that. I just felt like a leaf being carried away by the water moving on. I didn´t know the date, not even the hour. I fell asleep, after all my effort to not make it happend. I was avoiding it, I knew he was going to be there on my dreams or nightmares, he was always there and I refused to look at him again, I refused remembering him but it was impossible.

My life had no reason to be now that he was gone. But I preferred it that way; my life would be so average if I hadn’t met him. He came and took a piece of me away with him and I just couldn’t stop it, I just let him take it. I was so enchanted by his presence. And there was me, my eyes lost on the nowhere, my eyes screaming for one last view on his perfect big green eyes.

I was dying slowly, I was there perfectly alive –what a shame- and dying on the inside. I was determinated to keep him there somewhere on my thoughts so I couldn’t let the memories die, I needed to keep him alive so maybe there could be a remote chance for me to recover. He had consumed me into this empty body and he was my only salvation too. Maybe there was steel a little hope to me, anyway he was steel living down the same sky that I was.

I want him back.

I need him back.

I need to look into his green eyes. I need to tell him that I love him, that I have always loved him, that I will always love him… but I’m not sure if I’m going to have the chance anymore.

I thought running away before somebody hurt me would help but it didn’t. I’ve being hurt again. Running away SHOULD help – It didn’t-.

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